This guest post is by Emily Graham from Mighty Moms. Emily Graham is the creator of MightyMoms.net which offers a wide range of info tailored for busy moms. From how to reduce stress to creative ways to spend time together as a family, she believes being a mom is one of the hardest jobs around. She wanted to create a support system for moms from all walks of life. Her post below is all about answering post-baby relationship questions.
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Common concerns of new parents
Navigating life as a new mom is complicated enough. Add in navigating a relationship with your partner, and your anxiety levels can really be off the charts. You may have a lot of questions about how you should think, feel and act in terms of reconnecting post-baby. So to make your life a little easier, we’ve answered some of the most common concerns new parents have about their relationship:
Should I Feel Guilty Leaving My Baby With a Sitter?
If you feel anxious or apprehensive about leaving your child in someone else’s care, you’re definitely not alone. Whether you’re getting a sitter for date night or to return to work, you can ease your guilty conscience with some positive self-talk and some proper research. Time alone with your partner is important for preserving a healthy relationship, so try not to let hiring a sitter stress you out too much. You can give yourself and your partner some needed peace of mind by performing background checks on any applicants being considered. You can run a background check yourself, or some nanny services do this for you. This should be part of your overall vetting process and can help you feel more confident about leaving your baby with a safe, qualified sitter for the very first time.
Related Post- The Search for a babysitter
Should I Feel Anxious About Getting Intimate After Baby?
According to Kindred Bravely, a common source of stress for new moms is thinking about sex postpartum. You may be tired of being touched after endless feedings, anxious about sharing your new post-baby body, or just too plain tired to think about sex at all. The important thing is to discuss them openly with your significant other. And if you’re still not up for having sex right away, you can always try other forms of intimacy, such as cuddling together and holding hands. These physical expressions are as important as sex, so start slow and then pick up the pace as you begin to feel more comfortable being intimate with your partner.
Should I Feel Selfish for Wanting Some Time for Myself?
When you’re concerned about reconnecting with your partner, it may feel odd to think about spending time alone. Alone time, even in romantic relationships, is critical for the health and success of those relationships and can be especially refreshing when you are also juggling new responsibilities as a parent. Though most experts recommend that couples spend about 70 percent of their time together and the remaining 30 percent apart, what works for you and your relationship may be completely different.
Since your baby will require so much constant attention in the beginning, it may be helpful to talk about how you will divide parenting duties, so that you can have time together and apart. Once again, this will be different for everyone, so really think about what will work in your own relationship to avoid any added stress or tension towards one another.
Should I Feel Ashamed About Asking for Help If Needed?
Whether you need help with your new baby or to reconnect with your partner, you should definitely not feel shame or guilt about asking for it. Couples counseling can help communications, intimacy or conflict, and counseling is actually 75 percent effective in resolving these issues and helping partners reconnect in healthy, happy ways. So if you and your partner are struggling, it’s okay to reach out for help. If you’re not sure how to get started, try an online search to view relationship counselors in your area and to see whether your insurance will cover sessions. If your issue is more about time than serious conflicts, you can also look for support from friends and family, so that you and your partner will have more time to work on your relationship together.
Constantly thinking about how to reconnect with your partner after a baby is exhausting. As an already exhausted parent, quieting those thoughts can help you focus on actions that can improve your relationship and your happiness as a family.
Thank you, Emily, for these great tips! It can definitely be hard to navigate these new changes in your relationship. You can find Emily at MightyMoms.net